Do I dare myself to utter the words ‘we are going to attempt IVF again’ or assign them to a diary? Will doing so commit me to tempting fate, something I really don’t want to do right now?
Even though part of me wants to chronicle our new adventures in growing our family, another part of me wants to just get on with it all, nice and quiet like, with no fuss whatsoever. I know for sure that we – Erroll and I – don’t want to burden loved ones with any such heavy announcement. (Let them be burdened with the joys of a baby announcement instead!)
And with this confusion I remain up late tonight, my abdomen already pricked with the first of the stimulating hormones, my stomach filled with the bitter Chinese herbs my acupuncturist prescribed and urged I ingest (‘you must take! You have no time to waste!!). Sleep won’t come easily to me from here on in. I think I may stay up to write a little bit more…
So I punch away at my iPad mini – Erroll’s Christmas gift to me – as I look at this picture of us as newlyweds, fresh expats just landed in Dubai. Not a care in the world! Words flow freely now. We are bound on our path to planned parenthood. Again.